DATE: OCTOBER 15, 1999
To Whom it May Concern:
It distresses me exceedingly that the End of the World is drawing nigh and I have found that your GLUE, which I purchased only last week, will not adhere to metal surfaces! This is especially distressing to me as NO MENTION is made of that fact on the container, which reads, and I quote: “Bonds to most porous, semi-porous materials…”
As you can see, no mention is made of metal surfaces!!!! I was One Very Disgruntled Customer as application after application FAILED to glue my braces back onto my teeth.
Which brings up another point: no mention is made that this “glue” would also not adhere to tooth enamel. You must think I'm stupid! And I find your usage of the words "porous" and "semi-porous" somewhat confusing. What exactly are you getting at? I'm pretty sure I might know what those words mean---I'll have you know that I myself took a vocabulary class at Dixie College and did NOT fail!
In the meantime I am faced with the prospect of the End of the World coming and still having these crooked teeth.
Now, how will THAT make me look to the Generations to Come? I (and I assume would most people) would like to look my absolute best.
After all, the End of the World will be a moment that will go down in History!
Signed,
Ms. Elspeth Nilhauser
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