DATE: OCTOBER 19, 1999
Pop's giving a tour today up in Zion. He walks over to me in silent fanfare and says, "Do I look like a tour guide?" He then turns around for my inspection.
I say, "Yeah."
Then his lips curl up and he starts slouching in a manly way with legs apart then snarls enthusiastically, while pointing: "I'uz barn right under thet rock!" (all the while jabbing a finger toward the alleged rock.)
If he keeps it up I'm sure the tips will come a'rollin' in.DATE: OCTOBER 17, 1999
Autumn is here, and it is oh soooo stunning.
You go outside here in the desert and if you can find a tree handy, there just might be some dead, curled-up, dried green leaves under it where they fell from the tree. It's right purdy.
Also, we've got lots of nice, nice wind here, pushing some of the old trees over to block roads or break windshields. Trash blows everywhere and billboards lose bits of their bills and bits of their boards and everyone smiles because it's all a part of the beauty of Fall.
The most indicative sign of fall is that all of the bugs and insects here are migrating from the increasingly chilly outdoors into the warmer, cozier indoors. So you know Fall is near when you wake up in the morning with a cockroach crawling on your face like I did this very morning!
How exciting!!!!! Fall is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(This poster wishes to express that she actually loves Fall but was in the throes of bitterness from waking up with a ginormous cockroach on her face.) 
DATE: OCTOBER 15, 1999
To Whom it May Concern:
It distresses me exceedingly that the End of the World is drawing nigh and I have found that your GLUE, which I purchased only last week, will not adhere to metal surfaces! This is especially distressing to me as NO MENTION is made of that fact on the container, which reads, and I quote: “Bonds to most porous, semi-porous materials…”
As you can see, no mention is made of metal surfaces!!!! I was One Very Disgruntled Customer as application after application FAILED to glue my braces back onto my teeth.
Which brings up another point: no mention is made that this “glue” would also not adhere to tooth enamel. You must think I'm stupid! And I find your usage of the words "porous" and "semi-porous" somewhat confusing. What exactly are you getting at? I'm pretty sure I might know what those words mean---I'll have you know that I myself took a vocabulary class at Dixie College and did NOT fail!
In the meantime I am faced with the prospect of the End of the World coming and still having these crooked teeth.
Now, how will THAT make me look to the Generations to Come? I (and I assume would most people) would like to look my absolute best.
After all, the End of the World will be a moment that will go down in History!
Signed,
Ms. Elspeth Nilhauser
DATE: OCTOBER 13, 1999
Dar (my pop) is a crazy, crazy old man. Everyday he filches and HIDES the newspaper's daily crossword puzzle, like a miser. He'll sock it away and later take it out and pore over it for hours.
This morning, I went into his room to romp about. He was stretched out on his bed, reading the paper and trying to look casual. With all my cavorting, I suddenly felt a crackly something under his blanket. I slipped my hand in and sure enough, it was the crossword puzzle. No sooner had I reached in, then Dar SCREAMED. I didn't even have time to pull my hand out---he started swatting at me insanely.
He threw his entire body on top of my hand and started pinching me very fiercely. He grabbed my leg and tried to wrench it out of its socket. All this time I'm hollering like a banshee, but not letting go of the puzzle because it's obviously worth its weight in gold.
In the end, he blackmailed me to release it, saying he wouldn't help me rip up my carpet if I didn't let go. So I let go. Free labor is hard to come by. Geez, I wouldn't have even THOUGHT about---or wanted---the grotty crossword if he didn't make such a production out of it.
Now he's wandering about the house with the munched-up crossword tucked safely under his arm.
I made Kate's (my sis) famous chicken wraps for dinner, and they turned out reeeeall good, ma'am. I didn't really flatten the chicken, as such (like the recipe calls for), but ended up pulverizing it with our marble rolling pin. I'm very impatient when it comes to any fine cooking and all the rigamarole it requires.
But they tasted great in the end and all who partook were very happy that they weren't the ones who had to make din-din.
I also made a yummy apple crisp. And normally, I do NOT like cooked apples---the SLIME! But I made the crisp with Ida Red apples (the BEST, not too slimy) from New Harmony and we ate it with vanilla ice cream.
I must go---I have to tear carpet up and administer to other various acts of destruction.
