HALLOWEEN AND THE BAD DONKEY

DATE: OCTOBER 21, 1999

Bean (sis) emailed me a mighty fine story:

A Halloween Story By The Bad Donkey (A.K.A. Bean)

"Once, on Halloween, me and my frend, went trigger-treating. It was super funny, because we were OLD. I mean OLD. Not kids anymore so it was super funny because the people thought we were kids, but we werent, we were OLD.

"Then, we stole some candy from the other kids, and took pumpkins, and then we went and broke a window in my dad's car. He didn't care because he was dead. It was super funny."

My email back to Bean (which may not make sense to the casual reader but does to Bean):

BEAN!

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! Arnie (my bro) can verify that fact as I was at his house cleaning today when I got your email and read it.

Today I have been cleaning Arnie's house o' grot in exchange for some sweet $$$. Whilst doing mountains of dishes, I happened to look out the back window and saw a stink-rich puppy playing and playing and capering and capering. I thought to myself: hmmm, that's JUST what Arnie needs to cheer him up....a PUPPY!!!!!

I went out back, caught the creature and brought him in to Arnie!!!6!zz!!4r! The WEIRD thing is that it didn't make him happy. (???) He just stared and stared at the puppy and didn't smile. His brow furrowed and he grunted very unpleasingly.

So I had to take the poor puppy back outside and Mr. McDhui took out his gun (at least that's what Geordie said) and SHOT Thomasina! But it's OK, cuz now she lives with the witch in the glen, so the girl won't die when she gits the fever.

Speaking of Arnie, he & I went into those freaky apartments beneath the Dixie Theater. They (you know: The Man) are mucking-out and remodeling the building (The Man being Old Man Clemmons who Arnie knows).

Guess what we discovered! That dead cat is still in there!

They've hauled out a lot of rubbish and some cool old furniture. There wasn't just the one apartment down there that you'd broken into---there were other underground rooms / apartments as well.

Clemmons also bought the decrepit store next door and discovered more apartment space under it too. Not to mention another dressing room was found beneath the stage in the theater, which was occupied by a nasty old mattress.

All that underground junk will be converted into new dressing rooms for the theater. Speaking of the old movie theater, they're going to turn it into an actual-factual, honest-to-goodness play-actin' theater some day in the far flung future. The far Flung Future is pretty exciting, eh?

Next, above the theater (overlooking the street) there were about two old apartments. Now they've ripped down the walls separating them, so it's one big room. The space is a lovely shape with lots of windows. Apparently, once it's jazzed up and looking fine, they're going to hold receptions or conferences up there.

Wossname Lee is going to have his guitar gallery in the lobby area. I'm always happy when they improve or remodel nifty places. With all the ugly biz out there, we need it.

Cool, eh?

Gotta run---"cause when they dug her up, she was only wearing a slip."